The Exam Checklist (Minstrel Style!)

image source: news.bbc.co.uk

Okay..so exams are slowly approaching and finally you have the jitters wondering what to do..or soon will! No fear! The Minstrel is here to help you with the top 10 things to keep in mind before going in to write that exam! Nah, nah don't thank me, it's my pleasure! ;) Yes, you can courier me those chocolates! no worries!

1. Two cups of espresso in the morning is essential. You don't want to doze off on your paper and drool all over the answer sheet! Seriously! That would smudge the ink and make the answers impossible to read! Wait...come to think of it, ain't such a bad idea eh? ;)

 image source: zedge.net

2. Check the pens, pencils and blah blah blah. You don't want to crawl on your knees and beg those around you to pass you that stuff!

3. ADMIT CARD! Dude, without that you're freakin' screwed! Even if you forget to take your pen, don't forget this! Freakin' hell would break loose! How else would you remember the 52 digit exam roll no assigned to you???? :P:P:P

4. If you have a window seat or one near the door, carry horse blinders! Even if you look ridiculous, at least you won't be distracted! Coz the best and most hilarious things cross your vision exactly when you have no time to see them!

image source: stratesql.com

5. If you did not sleep well last night, instruct the person sitting behind you to give you a nice kick in your bum or throw an eraser at you (whatever works!) in case you fall asleep over the paper!

6. Carry your watch no matter what! Don't have a watch, take an alarm clock! At least you'll know when to begin scribbling frantically madly! That is when your memory is at its peak and you remember all that you didn't before that. At least you'll be prepared! ( usually 5 minutes before time's up!)

7. Carry water with you. When you don't remember the answers or get confused take a swig. No, it won't help you remember, but at least it'll keep you looking busy unlike that idiot staring at the ceiling looking like he is trying real hard to hold in his pee! :P

 image source: http://www.corbisimages.com

8. That hot classmate will not vanish into thin air after the exam is over! Stop staring! Horse blinders will help you here as well! :P

9. Do not listen to crappy songs on the radio in the morning before the exam if you don't want to haunted by Munni badnaam hui as you try to remember what Ophelia's brother's damn name was! :P

10. Last but no the least, STUDY! It really works! ;)

All the best! :D :)

P.S: To those who forget the rule no.10 like me, creativity always works! Make up what you don't know! :P:P:P:P 

Lungi Lore..

 Image source: http://bollywood-hotshots.blogspot.com

Still from' Dance Pe Chance'

This is a forward I got in my email and I found it so funny that I had to share it!!! I don't know who wrote it so I cannot acknowledge the genius! But whoever it is, he is AWESOME!!!!!

 Lungi-yites- in praise of the humble lungi

---

The Legendary Lungi
 
 Just as the national bird of Kerala is Mosquito, her national dress is  'Lungi'. Pronounced as 'Lu' as in loo and 'ngi ' as in 'mongey', a  lungi can be identified by its floral or window-curtain pattern.  'Mundu' is the white variation of lungi and is worn on special  occasions like hartal or bandh days, weddings and Onam.
 
 Lungi is simple and 'down to earth' like the mallu wearing it. Lungi  is the beginning and the end of evolution in its category. Wearing  something on the top half of your body is optional when you are  wearing a lungi. Lungi is a strategic dress. It's like a  one-size-fits-all bottoms for Keralites.
 
 The technique of wearing a lungi/mundu is passed on from generation to  generation through word of mouth like the British Constitution. If you  think it is an easy task wearing it, just try it once! It requires  techniques like breath control and yoga that is a notch higher than  sudarshan kriya of AOL. A lungi/mundu when perfectly worn won't come  off even in a quake of 8 on the richter scale. A lungi is not attached  to the waist using duct tape, staple, rope or velcro. It's a bit of  mallu magic whose formula is a closely guarded secret like the Coca  Cola chemicals.
 
 A lungi can be worn 'Full Mast' or 'Half Mast' like a national flag. A  'Full Mast' lungi is when you are showing respect to an elderly or the  dead. Wearing it at full mast has lots of disadvantages. A major  disadvantage is when a dog runs after you. When you are wearing a  lungi/mundu at full mast, the advantage is mainly for the female  onlookers who are spared the ordeal of swooning at the sight of hairy
 legs.
 
 Wearing a lungi 'Half Mast' is when you wear it exposing yourself like  those C grade movie starlets. A mallu can play cricket, football or  simbly run when the lungi is worn at half mast. A mallu can even climb  a coconut tree wearing lungi in half mast. "It's not good manners,  especially for ladies from decent families, to look up at a mallu  climbing a coconut tree"- Confucius (or is it Abdul Kalam?)
 
 Most mallus do the traditional dance kudiyattam. Kudi means drinking  alcohol and yattam, spelled as aattam, means random movement of the  male body. Note that 'y' is silent. When you are drinking, you drink,  there is no 'y'. Any alcohol related "festival" can be enjoyed to the  maximum when you are topless with lungi and a towel tied around the  head. "Half mast lungi makes it easy to dance and shake legs" says  Candelaria Amaranto, a Salsa teacher from Spain after watching  'kudiyaattam' .
 
 The 'Lungi Wearing Mallu Union' [LUWMU, pronounced LOVE MU], an NGO  which works towards the 'upliftment' of the lungi, strongly disapprove  of the GenNext tendency of wearing Bermudas under the lungi. Bermudas  under the lungi is a conspiracy by the CIA. It's a disgrace to see a  person wearing burmuda with corporate logos under his lungi. What they  don't know is how much these corporates are limiting their freedom of  movement and expression.
 
  A mallu wears lungi round the year, all weather, all season. A mallu  celebrates winter by wearing a colourful lungi with a floral pattern.   Lungi provides good ventilation and brings down the heat between legs.  A mallu is scared of global warming more than anyone else in the  world.
 
  A lungi/mundu can be worn any time of the day/night. It doubles as  blanket at night. It also doubles up as a swing, swimwear, sleeping  bag, parachute, facemask while entering/exiting toddy shops, shopping  basket and water filter while fishing in ponds and rivers. It also has  recreational uses like in 'Lungi/mundu pulling', a pastime in  households having more than one male member. Lungi pulling   competitions are held outside toddyshops all over Kerala during Onam  and Vishu. When these lungis are decommissioned from service, they  become table cloths. Thus the humble lungi is a cradle to grave  appendage.
  

 

image source: http://www.thekkottil.com

P.S.- It is rocket science how to tie a lungi. A cousin with no prior experience of lungi tying tried it once and even with a belt securing the lungi, it was an aiyooo moment in front of hundreds! Be warned! ;)

 

Once in a BLUE Moon...

I had never thought that I'd live to see this day.. Cows would fly before this happened! But it did!!! And last heard, cows still have their feet planted firmly on the ground! (Thank God for small mercies!) The Yamuna has WATER! 

(This is not even the river itself! It's just a connecting stream thing!!!! Couldn't click the river itself! Reason given in the post so read on!)

I had heard about it in the news but thought it's all hogwash, they must be talking about some part of Yamuna nowhere within the peripheries of the city of Delhi. All my life I have seen the dirty mucky canal type thing under this huge bridge with a lot of weeds and grass growing and garbage strewn all around...and I saw this with my fingers firmly clutching my nose, jabbing the nostrils shut so I don't inhale even a sq. mm of that stench! But dude! I stood above the Yamuna bridge today and had my hands on the railings (yes both!) clasping tightly because the current and flow of the water made my head reel! And I swear had no railing been there I would have definitely plopped in!!!! And never popped up again! :P And it was not the stench that made my head reel...really!

Miracles do happen...once in a BLUE moon...

P.S- But that water even now shall not get anywhere near me!!! Not now, not ever! It's more toxic than my college canteen's dahi bhalla even now! Or maybe not.....Ummmmmmm.. Uhhhhhh.....Tough one that! :P:P

Dearest...

 image source: http://browardlawblog.blogspot.com/

Dearest Blog,

How are you doing? Hope this letter finds you in good health. I know I haven't been too kind to you recently and you have been feeling neglected but I am so sorry, I have been forced into this by the monster in my life right now- Masters syllabus (MS). MS has me trapped, has me on a leash all the time, morning to night, heck he even invades my dreams (or nightmares!). It is a dungeon that I am stranded in dear blog. It does not mean I do not care for you, I swear I do. It's only a matter of some more time dearest...and I shall be all yours. Until then, wait for me. I'll try my best too, I'll sneak out and run to you when MS isn't watching (although he'll drag me right back!). It's a matter of some more time..Wait for me..I miss you..

Loads of love,

MI

P.S- You just wait and watch MS. I shall have the last laugh. You'll see... :P:P 

Back from the Dead! ;) :P

Like it or not, here I am again!;) Yea, the hibernation is over...And god do we take some things for granted!!!!! Roti, for example! Ask for roti in Kerala and what you get is sweet bread! Ask for parantha and they give you the Kerala porotta made of maida which can gift you with endless trips to the loo if you don't limit the intake. (yea yea..that is exactly what happened to me, and don't you dare laugh!Wait till it happens to you freaks!:P)

The first thing I craved on hitting home soil again is my beloved dilli ka khaana. I'm gonna binge the month away. :) 

LESSONS TO BE REMEMBERED WHILE VISITING KERALA

Lessons learnt on the trip were many. The most popular thing in Kerala? Its not coconut trees silly! It's കള്ള്, the local liquor that can be found in shops at every nook and cranny! My little sister who can't read a word of Malayalam learnt how to read the word because that's what you find wherever you look.  

Lesson no 2: Everywhere you turn is a canvas with a view.. Seriously, Kerala has stunning spots to visit and is a photographer's delight. :) It sure was mine.


Lesson no 3: If you're visiting relatives or friends in Kerala just pretend to have a stomach upset! That's the only thing that can save you from actual stomach upset caused by the copious amount of food you will be made to consume otherwise! 
Lesson no 4: Don't trust restaurant signboards in Kerala. Just because it reads "INDIAN CONTINENTAL CHINESE" it doesn't mean that they serve any of that. True story.
Lesson no 5: when there's nothing else, there's always Maggi!:)
Lesson no 6: (for girls only) Do not wear Janpath chappals/jootis if you ever wish to see them again!
Lesson No 7: Do not stand under a coconut tree! Ever!
Lesson No 8: You want to use public transport? Learn the language first or you're done for!
Lesson No 9: Do not say "I'm not hungry" on visiting someone. It's worse that an insult. Refer to Lesson 3 again.
Lesson No 10: Do not insult Argentina or Brazil when the football season is on! Trust me! Even if you think they suck!
Okie...more on this later, now I need to go binge on some aloo ka parantha...O Delhi thou art my tummy's delight!


P.S: Minstrel's itinerary for tomorrow- Golgappas, Rajma Chawal, Dhokla and Chole Bhature!

I'm Going To Jail!

So I'll be in Hell for a month. A MONTH! Away from home... Home is where the heart is right? My heart is well stuck to this city (actually my heart will be traveling to Corbett for a few days but then back in Delhi it is!) To add to this gigantic woe, there is the Relative Conspiracy! One half baying for my blood and wanting me to become a nun, another half after my marriage! Hullo! Then there will be the Why-Don't-You-Do-An-M.Phil Brigade, and the Oh-Me-Gosh-Are-They-Starving-You Gang. 

Mallus are world-famous for one more thing apart form Tharoor and Sreesanth- "BEING WEIRD". Sample this- you go to a house, they pelt you with food. Well you have been to 45 houses before this already and you are stuffed so bad you'll barf even if you swallow your spit! But no, you have to down every last morsel set before you. Or it's an insult to the Family you visit. Serious. WEIRD!

 Image source: www.zonkerala.com/.../food/kerala-feast-2919.jpg

You're 18, you're the eldest among your cousins. At your aunt's marriage they start pestering you for being the next torchbearer of the family and plan out your entire wedding on the spot..All the limelight is violently snatched from the bride and thrown at you! Sense? None!WEIRD!

All parties are gender-conscious events. A woman had to be somewhere in the vicinity of the Kitchen of THE House with the other ladies, gossiping about all the women within a 100 m radius or even more! Men have to be in the courtyard or on the terrace or in the outhouse, drinking till it spills out of their nostrils!!! Children are let loose like wild banshees! WEIRD AGAIN!

So you get the point. And being thrust into the middle of this pit ain't a cakewalk! Hibernation from Sanity, from Blogging, from Home!!! :(

P.S.- _______________________________________booohoooo!!!! :(

The Secret Course That Doctors Do

I had my Linguistics exam the other day and Don's mom (a doc) had generously taken out time and made notes explaining the concepts of Phonetics to us. Reading her notes a flashbulb lit in my weary, tired, grumpy brain. And no, it was nothing connected to Phonetics! :P

Image Copyright © 1998 Mark A. Hicks. Originally published by Mark A. Hicks. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

What is the one thing that connects doctors across the world, the one thing they share across all boundaries-nationality, race, gender, whatever? No, not the white coat silly! It is- wait for it- (hehe!)- ta da- {{drum-roll}}- IT'S THE BAD HANDWRITING!!!! Yea folks, that's the thing! Whether you go to a doctor in Munirka or a doctor in Nebraska, you can be sure that you'll never understand what they wrote on that prescription slip! 

So I decided to find out why exactly this happens, is it a mere coincidence that I haven't met a single Doctor with a legible handwriting. After a day of super-sleuthing and haunting doctors across the city, this is what my spies reported- "It is a conspiracy! "

Wait. That was not dramatic enough. After all, it's a big secret.

Ok, let's try India TV style:
"Ye ek saazish hai! Kya aap jaante hain apne chikitsak ka raaz? Aap kyun unki likhavat ko padh nai paate? Aapke haath mein chikitsa parcha hai ya ek khufiya saazish ka raaz! Dekhiye ye parcha kya aap kuch padh pa rahe hain? Kya raaz chupaate hain chikitsak humse?.."

Alright I could go on and on if I had been the India TV crew member who would love to drive you mad but my Hindi vocabulary isn't loaded well enough! :( So the big secret is- Yes, they do a secret one year course in Spider Crawlies, I mean, bad handwriting. This is info straight from the doc's mouth, obtained after threatening him to decipher what he had written and leak it to the press! So here's the deal- the course is called 'Legibility-A Medical Crime' and has books like- "Bad Handwriting for Dummies and Docs" by secretly renowned author U. Kant Reedmi and "The Medico's Guide To Scrawling" by I. Wright Spyder. These books are not available without a medico prescription! 

All medical students have to pass this one year course to get the "Dr" tag next to their names. The exam is closely monitored and if even the invigilator is able to read what you write you are thrown out right then and there and given an ER (Essential Repeat, dummy!) All doctors have come through this tough course with a lot of hardwork and the Minstrel salutes them! Our source Dr. Sharma (name changed just for fun!) says, "I could do all the other courses even with my eyes shut. The toughest ones too were a cakewalk! But Course AUDUD1 was a mighty firecracker! I don't know how I made it through!"

And yes, a chemist has to take the course too. How else would he read the prescription? 

After years of the English teacher drilling them in school to get the beautiful cursive handwriting, it must definitely have been hard to unlearn all of that. All those truant medicos who were scolded by their teachers for bad handwriting ("I would have corrected your paper IF I could read what you wrote!") must have had the last laugh now.

Who said it's easy to become a doctor? Planning to become one, start scrawling today.
ESSENTIAL TIPS (stolen from Mr. U. Kant Reedmi's book)
1. No human but your chemist should read what you write.
2. It gives you that aura of mystery and enigma.
3. Learn from 2 and 3 year old kids. Steal their books for guidance.
4. When done correctly the page should look like a handicapped spider wobbled across the page.
5. Hold your pen with 2 fingers and write for practice.
6. Pretend as if you have a fracture in your hand and then try.
Honestly, I couldn't read the rest or I would have reprinted it all here! Sorry guys!


P.S.- Thank goodness I never wanted to become a doctor! How would I ever have deformed my beautiful handwriting!? :P
 

Eyjafjallajökull

I thought at first it was a misprint! Then I checked again. No there it was boldly printed, wherever I looked. It was something like those random alphabets that we type in MS Word while testing the keyboard or when we are just plain bored! Okay, no jokes on a serious issue!

But seriously, what else did you expect the volcano to do with a name like that! Smile with pride??? Who names these things? No wonder the volcano exploded! It's probably the only way it can express its emotions regarding the screwed up name that is assigned to it- Eyjafjallajökull??? Jeez, how do you even pronounce it? eye-jaf..eyaf...whatever! 

Taken by: Henrik Thorburn

Image Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Fimmvorduhals_2010_03_27_dawn.jpg

One of my Dad's colleagues once had a similar eruption. His parents had named him Selvachezhiyan Anbarasu Arulselvan Ramakrishnan (hehehehee!well the name was something like that! I hope I didn't miss anything). He called himself Selvy for the 'cool' effect. But all documentation measures required him to fill out his mile long name with each piece intact and that irked him! Finally, he lost it the day the Census people came around! I  wasn't there so I don't know what happened but onlookers say that those people ran away vowing never to return and swore that they would never include his name in the registry! (or something like that!). Years of torture finally resulted in his eruption and voila, I think we have the solution to all eruptions! No long, difficult to pronounce, tongue-twisterish names anymore and this should be a legal notice. The world shall be a happier place from now on!

P.S.- I have a little cousin whom I fondly named Chota Smiley because he smiles all the time. he's like a few months old or something! He has now been officially name Justin Mathai something something (try as I may, I cant recall the remaining parts of his endlessly stretching name!) I can predict another eruption in about 10- 20 years or so! Maybe I should rename him to Chota Explosion since the smile is going to disappear the day he figures out his name! ;)

That Pair of Jeans

So why the need to be so particular about that pair of jeans? This topic, let me emphasize, will be understood by most youngsters across nation, gender, Facebook, twitter, whatever! And definitely vehemently unanimously opposed by their mothers! It's like a bond that brings us all together in amity even if we can't stand the sight of each other! This is that common point of empathy and understanding that no other can achieve>

My pair of jeans that I BUY (apart from the bucketload of crap that was given by my relatives!) are the only part of my wardrobe that I devote more than 5 minutes deliberation to. It takes me atleast 599 lectures from ZE PREZIDENT (my mom) to even start thinking about a new one, 9999 trials at the store only to nod vehemently and say "It just doesn't feel right!" and finally I get a mini penguin dance from the salesman when I finally (FINALLY!) choose one! 

It takes atleast 3 months for it to start feeling like 'home' and about 5 months of continuous wear to get 'that personal touch'. Then to wash it? By golly, that's a no no! The dirtier the better! Wearing and tearing only adds spice! Whenever laundry day is close I hide my jeans in the remotest corners of the house but Mothers have this DIRT RADAR in them that somehow is one of the few gadgetsin the world that actually do their job well! Mom hunts it down, and when it is there hung out to dry, she stands there flashing a triumphant grin while I hunt through my cupboard to find it because I JUST CAN'T WEAR ANOTHER! (while wondering if my mom washed my jeans would be  a valid excuse for not turning up at my friend's birthday party!Hmm...)

It is also an automatic rule- The 1st commandment in the Book Of Denim, Chap1,  verses 1-1.5: " Do not wear any other jeans than the one true home pair of jeans. All other jeans are false jeans." Which automatically means that no matter how many pairs of jeans we may own, there shall be only one that we wear until it wears out! No matter how pathetic the MOTHER RADAR might think it is..

Mom asks me why. Frankly, I don't know. It is the way it is, no matter how many pairs I have I have to wear my favourite always. The others might come out of the shopping bag, stay in my cupboard gathering dust for years and not get my attention and finally end up as mom's poncha (rag). But well, they just don't feel right. 

What is it about the connection between a youngster and his/her (no gender bias you may note! Does that get me brownie points? :P) pair of jeans? I guess no one can answer that question... It shall go down in the annals of history as one of those unresolved eternally debated questions for times to come- in the league of "Where did Man come from?", "Does God really exist?" and "Who's the IPL badass- Shashi Tharoor or Lalit Modi?" (hehehehe! Made the last one up! Seems to be the hottest topic now!So why no join th party! :P)

P.S.- The Minstrel was missing her old pair of jeans that she had to put away because they were fraying. Mom said no, bf said discard. But well, sneaked it out again, wore it with a kurta, frayed part concealed! Mission Accomplished! :) Home jeans rule!

How to get through boring lectures- A few brilliant ideas from an English Honours student!

[No offense to the teachers intended! Please don't cut my marks for this! You guys rock! :)]

So you're stuck in a boring lecture (damn the attendance!). No escape from the four walls that bind you, the heat is unbearable (thanks to the fans that refuse to give any sense of cooling no matter what and more often than not, don't really work anyways!), the second hand on your watch seems to count to nine hundred ninety nine before moving forwards and what is being said is Greek to you. What to do?

No fear, the Minstrel is going to divulge some well kept secrets to get through droning lectures alive! These tips and situations may I clarify have no resemblance to real life and even if they do it's purely incidental!

Alright, who am I kidding? Yes, this blog is inspired by the real lives of real people I know! But ha! I shall not divulge the identities so fear not fellow comrades in crime!

So here goes:

1) Grow your hair. No, seriously. Grow it up to shoulder-length and then leave it open. It's a miracle to those who just want to run away from class. It has two practical uses that I know of, and do let me know if there are more:
a) You can just have the flicks out in front of your face which can be a real cover-up in case you doze off!
b) The long tresses can also cover up for your MP3 player headphones that you can sneak in through your top into your ears! Just make sure your eyes are on the teacher and you pretend well that you're listening to the lecture, else if caught unawares you can be in deep shit!

2) Technology as a weapon! Your cellphones can be lifesavers! There is so much to do- play Asphalt or whatever game you like, text your partners in distress attending the same lecture and contemplating jumping out of the window, or text your friends outside your class and crib your heart out, do Facebooking, read PDF books, watch silly videos, whatever!!

3) It is also the perfect time to transfer that song you wanted from your best friend via Bluetooth! And the new pictures you clicked yesterday in the canteen, and a pic of her latest crush, the games you wanted so bad- whatever! These 45 minutes(or however long your lectures are!) are priceless for this stuff! Go utilise it to the max!

4) Make sure your buddies are sitting near you, pass that notebook's last page around and have your own personal wall gossip. These will someday be priceless reminders of your days in class later on when you become old and withered like I have! :P (@ How Rude: You must must make copies of those!)

5) Put your head in your hands and stare at the book and zone out! Keep your eyes open though! (Unless you have The Hair- Shield! Refer to point 1)

6) It's the perfect time to indulge the writer in you. The classroom, along with the loo are like the most inspirational zones for budding artists, writers and poets! Let the creativity burst out! I have written some of my best poems and made some of my best sketches in class and I testify to this fact myself! And as icing on the cake you can pass on the brilliant product of your creative genius around in class to give the others a respite from their misery! Getting some free publicity in the process! (Gosh I'm brilliant!Lol!)

7) The Window: This is a total stress-free zone in class. If you manage to grab the window seat there is nothing like it in the Advanced Skills In Not Paying Attention In Class (ASINPAIC, in short!) There is so much outside the window to focus your mind on that you won't even have to bother wondering what to do to while away your time!

8) Concentrate on the Refreshments. Okay, I'm assuming that you're teachers are as nice as mine were and allow you to get food into class. Grab that cup of cold coffee and a big bag of chips and voila! you're ready for the day! Enjoy the coffee, have fun munching, while looking absolutely attentive and nod everytime the teacher looks at you.

9) Go the Romantics way and let your Imagination overpower your Reason. Forget reality and let your mind sweep you away into distant lands to do wonderful and brilliant things that you might never really get to do in real life! ;)

10) This point is crucial to all the above stated points and thus I'm stating it again. Look absolutely attentive throughout and nod every time the teacher looks at you. Look at your desk when she asks a question or you'll become the sacrificial lamb!Brush up on acting skills if required.

More tips are welcome. A final tip though as a parting word- pay attention if the teacher talks sense! It helps with the marks! :P Yea, really!


P.S.- Another productive use of an unproductive class! Mission Accomplished! :)

Youngistaan Ka WOW!

If I were the game master I would challenge Ranbir to get to his Pepsi which is kept in a secret chamber which can only be accessed by crossing a room full of flying pigeons and the key to the chamber is tacked to the wing of one of the pigeons! (I've heard he's scared of pigeons)

Girls are Complicated??? Think again!

Alright let's talk about boys...Again let me emphasize that this does not apply to all guys but well to a general majority!!!!!! The others just get framed because of the others! So here goes nothing! 


Guys crib and crib that girls are like this and girls are like that, well hullo!!!!!! Two can play at that game! Guys call girls complicated? Have they seen themselves? [All due credit for the previous 2 sentences goes to this Facebook page] Girls and shopping have  a divine connection you say..well what about guys and sports? I don't mean that we don't watch 'em. Hell, of course we do! (I was crying buckets when Germany lost the football World Cup years back!) 

But guys can watch anything! I saw my cousin watching this cricket match between these red and yellow jersey teams or something, I asked him what teams were playing..He had not the slightest clue! And he spent the entire day watching it!!!! I mean, I understand a die hard fan of Man.U not missing a single game or Indian cricket fans spending the whole day glued to their sets praying for the team to win! ( I have done that too. By the way, have you noticed that supporters of both sides pray their asses off to make their teams win. So whose prayers are answered? Are both declared null and void? Then what is the point? :P) But why would you sit and watch matches of teams whose goddamn names you don't even know!! And that too at the cost of spending quality time with your loved ones!!

Hell, sample this: Wifey goes up to hubby, she's worried about her job not giving her enough time for home and wants to discuss it. The conversation:
WIFE: Honey, there's something that has been bothering me.
HUSBAND: Uh-hu..could you move a lil to the left, you're covering the TV.
WIFE: (moves) That ok now? So I was saying...Baby I'm really worried.
HUSBAND: Uh-hu
WIFE: I don't think I'm giving enough time to you and Nicky.
HUSBAND: Uh-hu
WIFE: I feel really bad
HUSBAND: Uh-hu
WIFE: Honey, are you listening?
HUSBAND: Uh-hu
WIFE: Do you think I should try changing my job?
HUSBAND: Uh-hu
WIFE: Honey, I'm talking to you...
HUSBAND: OH NOOOOOO!!!! YOU *&%&#^%#*! That was such an easy shot! Bloody scoundrels! I could teach you a thing or two about scoring goals!
(Wife stares)
(Husband notices the stare)
HUSBAND: Sorry honey, something wrong?
(Wife stomps off in fury!)
HUSBAND: Honey... Honey..Oh c'mon...Tell me what happened atleast... Honey...
(stares after her wondering what to do)
suddenly,
HUSBAND: Yess!!! That's a goal..You go reds!!! Awesome!!!
(And a boot comes flying from the next room and hits him)

Now if you still don't get my point guys, you must really be dumb! That's how guys just screw it up and then say girls are complicated! Ya right!

Guys say girls assume a lot of things. Maybe that would not happen IF you yourselves would open your mouths and say what you think rather than shutting off everytime something goes wrong with you. 

GUY: (After a lousy fight with his best friend) Hey sweetheart..
GIRL: Hi baby! You know what happened today? I met this really really old friend of mine! I mean, Hehe! She's not old, I mean, I hadn't met her in a long long time! I was sooooooo happy! She hasn't changed at all! We used to hang out so much earlier! 
GUY: Oh. Ok. That's nice sweetie.
GIRL: Oh I'm sooo sooo sooo happy! Now we can hang out again! We even dug out our ancient pics! U wanna see see see!!!
GUY: Ok.
GIRL: Honey, is something wrong?
GUY: No.
GIRL: You don't sound fine to me.
GUY: I'm ok yaar. What's your problem???
GIRL: (hurt) I was just worried so I asked.
GUY: Then don't. Why do you wanna piss me off?
GIRL: I piss you off?
GUY: Yea, now you are.
GIRL: Oh then please go talk to someone who doesn't piss you off.
GUY: Fine, I will.
GIRL: Fine, bye.
GUY: Bye.
(hangs up phone)

Wouldn't things have been much easier had he just told her he's upset!?
Girls are not complicated, it's guys and girls and their differing thought processes that complicate the situation. How can we salvage it? Through mutual understanding through talking it out. (That's another river of fire for guys! talking it out!) But it works, really! We girls ain't that bad!
And next time we go shopping, u can just sit with that silly game of yours and watch it until we get back!!! :P

(P.s.- I hope this is enough atonement for my previous post!!! This is for my sisterhood clan!! Love you guys!! <3) 

Girls and Shopping?????

So why do they say girls love shopping? I AM A GIRL TOO!!! And I HATE shopping! I don't know why it is automatically assumed that since I'm a girl shopping like crazy must be my definition of fun! Get a life guys! It's not! (Lol! My husband's gonna be one lucky man!No waiting at the corners of clothes racks every week waiting for me to finish rummaging through clothes and shoes and more clothes and whatever!)

Seriously, what is the fun in hunting through hundreds of clothes, trying them on endlessly, walking in and walking out of shops, and that too on a daily/weekly basis? ( No offence to my girls but really!) I remember walking around with Bhaiya ji and the Wizard of Verse and their college friends in C.P one day coz the ladies wanted to shop! I wanted to kill myself by the end of it! Sheesh! What a pain!

I toh go twice in a year, once for summers and once for winters and finish it all in one go, looking at it as a necessary evil! Of course I can't have someone else doing my shopping for me! And well 3-4 times in a year just when I really need to buy something. Then well a few time when something catches my fancy, and umm... about 248 times when I have to tag along with one of the pals who wants to shop (hehe!)...or the Nawab! 

ohkie..I guess that completes the count..I guess I do go shopping throughout the year! Sheesh! Jeez...I give up! Girls and shopping...a lifelong bond! And I guess as a girl, whether I like it or not, I too am bound by the sisterhood to this crap! Lol! (((sigh...)))