Once in a BLUE Moon...

I had never thought that I'd live to see this day.. Cows would fly before this happened! But it did!!! And last heard, cows still have their feet planted firmly on the ground! (Thank God for small mercies!) The Yamuna has WATER! 

(This is not even the river itself! It's just a connecting stream thing!!!! Couldn't click the river itself! Reason given in the post so read on!)

I had heard about it in the news but thought it's all hogwash, they must be talking about some part of Yamuna nowhere within the peripheries of the city of Delhi. All my life I have seen the dirty mucky canal type thing under this huge bridge with a lot of weeds and grass growing and garbage strewn all around...and I saw this with my fingers firmly clutching my nose, jabbing the nostrils shut so I don't inhale even a sq. mm of that stench! But dude! I stood above the Yamuna bridge today and had my hands on the railings (yes both!) clasping tightly because the current and flow of the water made my head reel! And I swear had no railing been there I would have definitely plopped in!!!! And never popped up again! :P And it was not the stench that made my head reel...really!

Miracles do happen...once in a BLUE moon...

P.S- But that water even now shall not get anywhere near me!!! Not now, not ever! It's more toxic than my college canteen's dahi bhalla even now! Or maybe not.....Ummmmmmm.. Uhhhhhh.....Tough one that! :P:P

Come Out And Play?

 

(Hehe! Yea! Accidents like this do happen sometimes! It made me fall off my chair in disbelief!)

 

Disclaimer: I have nothing against the Commonwealth games! Please do not kill me supporters, I too look forward to attending the tennis matches and hope to hell that CWG 2010 does not end up as the piece of crap that it is shaping up to be!

Let me tell you a story...

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away there was this Minstrel who was so excited about the Commonwealth Games that was happening in HER CITY! It was the most incredible thing to happen to the city of Delhi after KFC came to Connaught Place (OK, OK perhaps not the same thing! But it still was AWESOME to have that happen! DUDE!). Watching Somdev Devvarman on the field in the flesh tearing apart the opposition would be one of the perks among many! She couldn't wait for October 2010 to come! And then poof! THE END!

Yes, call me a cynic, hit me with Shera stuff toys (actually please do, I can take them home! He is kinda cute!), feed me with more CWG gossip and kill me but whatever! My face looks like a pumpkin right now and I am pissed so there! Go shove it all up from where you shove crap down! (Go figure!)

The CWG 2010 has done so much for our economy and the people that I can't help but stand up in applause for all those who put so much into this thing! The list is so long that I can't point it all out but here are a few of my top ones, straight from the fictional-OC-idiot-spokesperson-I-just-constructed-in-my-mind's mouth:

1) Such incredible use of all that money which would have been wasted on feeding the destitutes and building homes for the  homeless! In fact, the renovation has been so smartly done that you shall not have to worry about excess money for a long time because if smartly done, all the money in the treasury that you earn and give to the Government can be put to good use 2-months later as well, to fix what has been fixed now, because yaiyee! It's going to all fall apart! So cheers!

2) Oh those nasty college students were giving the wardens such a hard time and frankly who cares about them. in fact it's time we give the PG Owners the time to make some cash! Where else would they spend the limited amount of pocket money that they get? Atleast they won't spend it on booze or drugs! Cheers!

3) Those crappy buildings in the city needing a facelift? But we have better ideas! Why spend all that money on fixing a building that can fall to pieces any minute when we can spend that money on the CWG Anthem? Banners are cheaper and more effective! Killing two birds with one stone- The building is hidden and publicity also taken care of! Cheers!

4) The doctors and nurses in our city hospitals have been complaining of being in hard times and not getting any work ever since Swine flu has gone out of vogue! Voila! Not to worry! CWG to the rescue! We give you not one but many better options! Dengue, Conjunctivitis, typhoid, you want it, we got it! Allergies for early birds with a month's stay in the hospital so you don't have to worry about working your ass off at the workplace anymore! See, CWG has the solutions for all your problems!

5) Delhiites (atleast a lot of them!) have always rued the lack of a good beach in Delhi or even a river with enough water! We have the solution, it's easy-peasy! Not to worry! We clog your drains with construction rubble so voila! You have your very own streams and rivers flowing in front of your houses! And you don't even have to pay for it! 

6) Gone were the days when you could complain about getting late because you were stuck in a jam! With new roads, flyovers, there was no excuse for simply waking up late! All your worries are now over! With a lane dedicated to CWG, you can forget all your worries about not having an excuse for not being on time! And finally you can be completely in fashion adapting to the "Indian Standard Time" all thanks to CWG! As an added bonus the city's blueline buses will be taken off the roads where CWG has any mention and half the DTC buses will be on CWG duty! So no tension whatsoever! You're never getting anywhere on time...or maybe never getting anywhere as well! Cheers!

7) The roads in North Campus were so wide and used so less. So we came up with a solution! We cut the road in half and created a cycle/ cycle rickshaw lane! So what if there are big trees in the middle of the lane and cycle rickshaws can't pass through or that cycles are used by less than 0.01% of the area's population! It still is cool and the countries in the West have it and now so do we! And that's hot! Cheers!

So there you have it! CWG has definitely been a boon to our economy and to all of us! So Come Out and Play Everyone! If you are not in the hospital, or stuck in traffic, or stuck in knee-deep water or hunting for a new place to live, or killed by a collapsed building! See you there!!! 

P.S.- The CWG has given me awesome allergies and half my face looks like a swollen watermelon and half-bee stung lips are NOT HOT! So I have every right to say whatever crap I want to! So there!  

P.P.S.-

Are We Ready?

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME????????????????

Dearest...

 image source: http://browardlawblog.blogspot.com/

Dearest Blog,

How are you doing? Hope this letter finds you in good health. I know I haven't been too kind to you recently and you have been feeling neglected but I am so sorry, I have been forced into this by the monster in my life right now- Masters syllabus (MS). MS has me trapped, has me on a leash all the time, morning to night, heck he even invades my dreams (or nightmares!). It is a dungeon that I am stranded in dear blog. It does not mean I do not care for you, I swear I do. It's only a matter of some more time dearest...and I shall be all yours. Until then, wait for me. I'll try my best too, I'll sneak out and run to you when MS isn't watching (although he'll drag me right back!). It's a matter of some more time..Wait for me..I miss you..

Loads of love,

MI

P.S- You just wait and watch MS. I shall have the last laugh. You'll see... :P:P 

My Tribute To Colonel Sanders!

With special thanks to Zooks for lending her right hand to this noble cause (becoming the first vegetarian to be in an "I Love KFC" pic perhaps!)!
Here's to a whole lot more of centuries of finger lickin' goodness!


(P.S.- Yes, you're right! I had nothing better to do! :P )

Wading in the city!

It rained cats and dogs today. I had to almost swim back home. The traffic was a bummer, drains overflowing, it was a sight to see. Makes one wonder about the drainage system of the city... God save Delhi's pride if the rain gods decide to flash their teeth during the Commonwealth Games! :P Perhaps if they paid attention to the more essential repairs rather than turn to rubble the footpaths and then batter them up again and again in a vicious cycle... perhaps then the citizens would not have to contemplate buying a boat as standby option in a city where even the sole river does not have water enough for a man to drown!

Page 57

Write page 57 of your 300-page autobiography.

An excerpt from the upcoming bestseller "The Minstrel's Lair" by the Booker Prize winning author who refuses to reveal her true identity- Minstrel Incognito. Arriving at your nearest bookstores very very soon! 

cover photograph: Bigde Nawab

cover design: Minstrel Incognito

Page 57

...and there I sat with the monitor staring at me. The publisher's advance check stared at me and taunted me. When I had signed the dotted line for 300 pages of regular rubbish, I hadn't thought it would be this hard. Giving the world, my readers a peak into my daily life was not an easy task. I revelled in the enigmatic aura that I had built around myself. Opening the door was the toughest part. Well, since my editor will make my life miserable if I don't make any headway into this, let's move on! 

My life as the centre of attention and the apple of everyone's eye had become a habit by now. I enjoyed the attention and loved being pampered. And then one day everything changed. It started the day I had gone shopping with my parents and my mother fainted. I was worried, it's not everyday that 6 year olds see their mother faint in the middle of the road! Bollywood masala had attuned me to fear the worst about everything. Mom had just come back from Libya a few months back and I had been very excited to be with her again. But then this happened. Heading home, I was so nervous and scared I couldn't breathe. And I was so angry with my dad and mom for being so freakin' calm about this and not telling me what's wrong! In complete cinema ishtyle I paced the length of my room as Mom went to the hospital with Dad. They came back grinning from ear to ear and I was frustrated because I didn’t know what was going on.

18^th July, 1995- I saw my Dad waiting for me outside the school gate and I instantly knew something was up. We went to the hospital together and I entered the room in which my mother lay. My 3 month-old cousin was sprawled on the bed next to mom’s googoo gaing me and holding out her chubby fingers. I grinned at her and hugged her. With nervous excitement I then walked towards the crib on the other side of mom’s bed. There was a white little bundle of cloth inside. Peering closely I saw that the bundle had a face with a mouth that was open and searching for something and eyes that were tightly shut like a little puppy’s. My Dad looked ecstatic and proudly lifted the bundle and handed it to me. I was all excited- MY SISTER! I held the tiny little baby in my hands and peered into her small cute face. I was so happy! And then the tiny face contorted and the mouth opened wide and a siren rang out! The thing was wailing like I was an axe murderer! I handed her duly back to my ecstatic Dad and I said “ye kya hai? Kitna rota hai! Mujhe nahi chahiye!” (What is this? So much wailing! I don’t want it!) 

And I trod back to my happy little cousin who was still all googoo gaga! Atleast this thing knew how to smile, I liked it better! (Okay I’m literally writing in the moment! No offences to the “things” in question! Both of you rock!) She came and she took all the attention away. All my relatives now fawned over her, I was angry, rather than the apple of everyone’s eye, I felt more like the banana peel. I glared when asked about how excited I was about my sister! I went like blah! 

And then again it all changed one fine day. (These change vale days do seem quite frequent in my life eh?) Mom was busy in the kitchen, Dad was at work. I decided to check out what the hype was all about for myself. “The thing” lay on the mat in the sitting room rattling some silly chan-chan crap! I crept slowly upto her and then peered into her face again. A toothless grin from my then-nemesis left me spellbound. Her little fingers grabbed my thumb and I sat still, proceeding with caution. I didn’t know what to do next and waited for her next move wary of…

*end of page*

To My Partners In Crime!

I'm a strange person to be friends with! :P I have my eccentricities and my mad moments! Yet there are those few mad freaks who stubbornly stand by me through all that! When I act like a dope, they kick my ass. When I don't call, they call me and don't let me off the hook for hours! :P Some scold me and rant at my habit of going aloof but smile and give a big hug and forget all about it the minute I say "sorry na yaar!". Here's to you!


To my kiddo: I know sisters are not historically supposed to be best friend material but dude you're the best! I know so many sisters who never lose opportunities to bug their siblings and nor do you! But I've seen you cry when I cry, the minute I get pissed, I've seen your face fall! Our secrets have never been exploited by you! And thankfully, you are still a kid and not a pseudo-adult most of your peers have become! Thanks for being better than the best I could have ever wish for! Muah!


To My school gang- The twins, Mary Sheikh and Takia: They say school friends always tend to drift away! But you guys are like stuck to me with superglue! :P Of course our priorities have shifted, we've grown up, most of you are WORKING NOW! (Gawd have we grown up!) But I know you guys will always be there no matter what! You're the only chain that remains to bind me to some of the best days of my life! 12-B was a riot! Remember being punished on the stairs next to the staffroom and how we sat there proudly as a class boasting of our not so ordinary achievement? And dreaming of the days when the Princi would just go away! Complaining about hairbands, pita humare in the assembly, Saxy's lectures, Golgappas's escapades with her hubby, fighting over chowmein! Miss those days!


To My College  Clique: You guys are like the awesomest people I met after I stepped into the big bad world! Dopey, my non-veg partner! My KFC days would have been history without you! Moments are so many that recalling it would require a separate blog! But as ex-work partner, fashion consultant (:P The raybans!), my to-be flat mate and (thank god for small mercies!) non- chaman ka maali, gosh You rock!!! 
Zooks, you're something else man, out of this world! The one and only Fra Nupsy Lippi! If I don't get strangled by your mane, we shall grow old and sit on that front porch (Lily style!) and sip on chocolate milk and bitch about spitters! ;) 
Don, dude, you don't scare me! (Ha!) No matter how hard you glare at me with those eyes of yours! But you're the most adorable little thing ever (emphasizing on LITTLE! Oh oh I'm dead! :P) You're like my Twitter and Facebook updates both rolled into one! What would I do without you! ;P And yes, on that front porch, Dopey, Zooks, Enna Rascala, you and I are gonna sit and do the TB Disco dance! And even then, I'm sure you'll be my news bulletin! hehe! Love you for the madness! ;P
Enna Rascala mind it! Your toilet jokes and mad humor has made me smile even on the worst of days! You're like my substitute granny! Hehe! (That's what you get for calling me kiddo! :P) Thanks for caring so much about me and completing my crazy bunch so perfectly! Of course  I go zzzzzzzzzzz... at your lectures but I love you no less! :P You're a dope and you rock as one!

To The Wizard Of Verse, my Partner in Rhyme: you kept the poet in me alive, until you went away to Mumbai! Our wars of Verse are something that can never be replicated with anyone else! The days we spent walking till eternity with Bhaiya ji and endless talks and discussions about Milton, Bhaiya ji's flowery shirts, waiting for 108, your habit of fidgeting with all the condiments at a restaurant and dumping it into your glass!:P The concerts, making fun of US, your attempts at making me dance (hehe!), Deepi's playing matchmaker and us laughing our heads off over it! Although the first time I met you I thought you were an obnoxious snob, i'm glad I got to know otherwise! Hehe! Thanks for all the fun!

To Bhaiya Ji : You're the brother that I never had and words can never be enough to tell you how much you mean to me! The ways you've been there, I can never forget. It's amazing how you could just instinctively know when I was upset and how you always managed to cheer me up. Moments are so many- the 4- hour waiting for the strike to end even before you were my friend, dropping me home after the DU concerts like the dutiful bro that you've always been, the trips to here and there to satiate our ever growling appetites, the late night antakshari game on the phone to cheer me up (the cheesy songs and all!hehe!), the pep talks, the debates, the Rakhi baandho episode in MH.. so much that have left their mark on the pages of my life! And I know you'll be there always without even being asked, as always! Miss you!

To Bigde Nawab : You're like a miracle to me... the greatest gift that I could have asked for. Thanks for loving me with all my madness. I know I'm not the easiest person to be with, I do test you a lot, but thanks for taking it all with a grin and never complaining! You're everything I ever wanted and all that I ever will! Loads of love to you for being who you are... My Best Friend! :)   


A very Happy friendship Day to all of you.. Okay I admit I got a lil senti and this was an excuse to pour it all out! ;) Loads of love to you guys!


P.s.-  Dear readers of my blog (the tiny and miniscule no who actually take time out to read all the crap I dish out!). You're the bomb! Love you all for everything! Happy friendship Day! :)