Friday, April 30, 2010

How To Calm Down an Angry Girlfriend (SECRET TIP)

I'm a sucker for happy relationships which is why I'm releasing this little secret!

Alright I'm gonna tell you guys a tip to calm down a seething angry girlfriend. (You must send bouquets my way for this since I'm being so generous and Addy this isn't any truce, our showdown is still on! :P) This is a formula tried, tested and practiced by my dear Bigde Nawab so I hope he doesn't kill me for writing this! Hehe! (Love you tons but this was just too cute!) Read on...


So when the girlfriend is raging like a mad bull (like I do when I am really ticked off!) there's a simple way to calm her wrath. Don't raise your voice even by mistake (that would be an error who's aftermath would be unforgettably sour!). Hear what she's saying and then in the saddest, cute puppy voice say to her, "I'm such a bad bf..I can't even keep you happy...Maybe you deserve someone better.." and stuff like that. Keep it going until the change in the girl's tone is evident and the wrath has melted. She'll most probably say things like "Oh baby, it's not like that....Of course, you keep me so happy". And by the end of it, she wouldn't even remember why she was pissed in the first place! ;) 

© Nikitu |

I love happy endings! :)

P.S.- If you've done something really really bad and that's why she's pissed, then just make amends. Easier and safer! Or the ghost of it shall come and haunt you again in another argument! :P

(@  Bigde Nawab : yes I knew this all the time! :P hehe!)

Monday, April 26, 2010


I thought at first it was a misprint! Then I checked again. No there it was boldly printed, wherever I looked. It was something like those random alphabets that we type in MS Word while testing the keyboard or when we are just plain bored! Okay, no jokes on a serious issue!

But seriously, what else did you expect the volcano to do with a name like that! Smile with pride??? Who names these things? No wonder the volcano exploded! It's probably the only way it can express its emotions regarding the screwed up name that is assigned to it- Eyjafjallajökull??? Jeez, how do you even pronounce it? eye-jaf..eyaf...whatever! 
Taken by: Henrik Thorburn

One of my Dad's colleagues once had a similar eruption. His parents had named him Selvachezhiyan Anbarasu Arulselvan Ramakrishnan (hehehehee!well the name was something like that! I hope I didn't miss anything). He called himself Selvy for the 'cool' effect. But all documentation measures required him to fill out his mile long name with each piece intact and that irked him! Finally, he lost it the day the Census people came around! I  wasn't there so I don't know what happened but onlookers say that those people ran away vowing never to return and swore that they would never include his name in the registry! (or something like that!). Years of torture finally resulted in his eruption and voila, I think we have the solution to all eruptions! No long, difficult to pronounce, tongue-twisterish names anymore and this should be a legal notice. The world shall be a happier place from now on!

P.S.- I have a little cousin whom I fondly named Chota Smiley because he smiles all the time. he's like a few months old or something! He has now been officially name Justin Mathai something something (try as I may, I cant recall the remaining parts of his endlessly stretching name!) I can predict another eruption in about 10- 20 years or so! Maybe I should rename him to Chota Explosion since the smile is going to disappear the day he figures out his name! ;)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

That Pair of Jeans

So why the need to be so particular about that pair of jeans? This topic, let me emphasize, will be understood by most youngsters across nation, gender, Facebook, twitter, whatever! And definitely vehemently unanimously opposed by their mothers! It's like a bond that brings us all together in amity even if we can't stand the sight of each other! This is that common point of empathy and understanding that no other can achieve>

My pair of jeans that I BUY (apart from the bucketload of crap that was given by my relatives!) are the only part of my wardrobe that I devote more than 5 minutes deliberation to. It takes me atleast 599 lectures from ZE PREZIDENT (my mom) to even start thinking about a new one, 9999 trials at the store only to nod vehemently and say "It just doesn't feel right!" and finally I get a mini penguin dance from the salesman when I finally (FINALLY!) choose one! 

It takes atleast 3 months for it to start feeling like 'home' and about 5 months of continuous wear to get 'that personal touch'. Then to wash it? By golly, that's a no no! The dirtier the better! Wearing and tearing only adds spice! Whenever laundry day is close I hide my jeans in the remotest corners of the house but Mothers have this DIRT RADAR in them that somehow is one of the few gadgetsin the world that actually do their job well! Mom hunts it down, and when it is there hung out to dry, she stands there flashing a triumphant grin while I hunt through my cupboard to find it because I JUST CAN'T WEAR ANOTHER! (while wondering if my mom washed my jeans would be  a valid excuse for not turning up at my friend's birthday party!Hmm...)

It is also an automatic rule- The 1st commandment in the Book Of Denim, Chap1,  verses 1-1.5: " Do not wear any other jeans than the one true home pair of jeans. All other jeans are false jeans." Which automatically means that no matter how many pairs of jeans we may own, there shall be only one that we wear until it wears out! No matter how pathetic the MOTHER RADAR might think it is..

Mom asks me why. Frankly, I don't know. It is the way it is, no matter how many pairs I have I have to wear my favourite always. The others might come out of the shopping bag, stay in my cupboard gathering dust for years and not get my attention and finally end up as mom's poncha (rag). But well, they just don't feel right. 

What is it about the connection between a youngster and his/her (no gender bias you may note! Does that get me brownie points? :P) pair of jeans? I guess no one can answer that question... It shall go down in the annals of history as one of those unresolved eternally debated questions for times to come- in the league of "Where did Man come from?", "Does God really exist?" and "Who's the IPL badass- Shashi Tharoor or Lalit Modi?" (hehehehe! Made the last one up! Seems to be the hottest topic now!So why no join th party! :P)

P.S.- The Minstrel was missing her old pair of jeans that she had to put away because they were fraying. Mom said no, bf said discard. But well, sneaked it out again, wore it with a kurta, frayed part concealed! Mission Accomplished! :) Home jeans rule!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

How to get through boring lectures- A few brilliant ideas from an English Honours student!

[No offense to the teachers intended! Please don't cut my marks for this! You guys rock! :)]

So you're stuck in a boring lecture (damn the attendance!). No escape from the four walls that bind you, the heat is unbearable (thanks to the fans that refuse to give any sense of cooling no matter what and more often than not, don't really work anyways!), the second hand on your watch seems to count to nine hundred ninety nine before moving forwards and what is being said is Greek to you. What to do?

No fear, the Minstrel is going to divulge some well kept secrets to get through droning lectures alive! These tips and situations may I clarify have no resemblance to real life and even if they do it's purely incidental!

Alright, who am I kidding? Yes, this blog is inspired by the real lives of real people I know! But ha! I shall not divulge the identities so fear not fellow comrades in crime!

So here goes:

1) Grow your hair. No, seriously. Grow it up to shoulder-length and then leave it open. It's a miracle to those who just want to run away from class. It has two practical uses that I know of, and do let me know if there are more:
a) You can just have the flicks out in front of your face which can be a real cover-up in case you doze off!
b) The long tresses can also cover up for your MP3 player headphones that you can sneak in through your top into your ears! Just make sure your eyes are on the teacher and you pretend well that you're listening to the lecture, else if caught unawares you can be in deep shit!

2) Technology as a weapon! Your cellphones can be lifesavers! There is so much to do- play Asphalt or whatever game you like, text your partners in distress attending the same lecture and contemplating jumping out of the window, or text your friends outside your class and crib your heart out, do Facebooking, read PDF books, watch silly videos, whatever!!

3) It is also the perfect time to transfer that song you wanted from your best friend via Bluetooth! And the new pictures you clicked yesterday in the canteen, and a pic of her latest crush, the games you wanted so bad- whatever! These 45 minutes(or however long your lectures are!) are priceless for this stuff! Go utilise it to the max!

4) Make sure your buddies are sitting near you, pass that notebook's last page around and have your own personal wall gossip. These will someday be priceless reminders of your days in class later on when you become old and withered like I have! :P (@ How Rude: You must must make copies of those!)

5) Put your head in your hands and stare at the book and zone out! Keep your eyes open though! (Unless you have The Hair- Shield! Refer to point 1)

6) It's the perfect time to indulge the writer in you. The classroom, along with the loo are like the most inspirational zones for budding artists, writers and poets! Let the creativity burst out! I have written some of my best poems and made some of my best sketches in class and I testify to this fact myself! And as icing on the cake you can pass on the brilliant product of your creative genius around in class to give the others a respite from their misery! Getting some free publicity in the process! (Gosh I'm brilliant!Lol!)

7) The Window: This is a total stress-free zone in class. If you manage to grab the window seat there is nothing like it in the Advanced Skills In Not Paying Attention In Class (ASINPAIC, in short!) There is so much outside the window to focus your mind on that you won't even have to bother wondering what to do to while away your time!

8) Concentrate on the Refreshments. Okay, I'm assuming that you're teachers are as nice as mine were and allow you to get food into class. Grab that cup of cold coffee and a big bag of chips and voila! you're ready for the day! Enjoy the coffee, have fun munching, while looking absolutely attentive and nod everytime the teacher looks at you.

9) Go the Romantics way and let your Imagination overpower your Reason. Forget reality and let your mind sweep you away into distant lands to do wonderful and brilliant things that you might never really get to do in real life! ;)

10) This point is crucial to all the above stated points and thus I'm stating it again. Look absolutely attentive throughout and nod every time the teacher looks at you. Look at your desk when she asks a question or you'll become the sacrificial lamb!Brush up on acting skills if required.

More tips are welcome. A final tip though as a parting word- pay attention if the teacher talks sense! It helps with the marks! :P Yea, really!

P.S.- Another productive use of an unproductive class! Mission Accomplished! :)

Friday, April 16, 2010

The Little Things

Sometimes things just go wrong. I mean, picture this-you're in a picture-perfect relationship, you love each other; respect, adore, are mad about each other- the lalala types! You have fun together, he stands by you through all problems, makes you feel on top of the world. In short, you share the kind of love that others would literally die for... Everything's going great guns until one day you realize he's not serious about what he wants to do in life. Now this won't be an issue for many people but let's also suppose you are an ambitious girl, a go-getter, for whom this would be ka-boom! This could also be something else, anything at all; basically a certain contrast in personality that is a little hard to digest.

So what next? What do you do? You pester him endlessly, try to get something of you into his head; it doesn't work. You sulk, cry, fight, then make up. But things don't change. What do you do at this point? Stick by him or is it the end?
What about the days he stood by you when the world was against you? What about those little ways in which he made you smile? What about the tiny surprises he popped that made your day? What about the many things he did to fit your bill? What about the love that made you his? What about the promise, the happily-ever-after? Does all this go poof?

The challenge lies in recognizing the things that are of real value in the face of trouble. In relationships, as in other situations, it is the little things that matter the most. It is the founding blocks that are the key to make a structure withstand rupture. Does one negative cancel out all the positives at once? The key is to recognize what matters the most, not to let little pebbles become huge boulders in our paths. That is the foundation of a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship.. :)

P.S.- Phew! That was a damn serious post! Gosh I'm losing my touch of wit! But seriously, I hope I made some sense! Opinions are welcome! :) Take care!  

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Do you LOOK or do you SEE?

It's something that has struck me as curious always. Life offers us so many lessons. Do we actually take out time to learn? Life has lessons hidden in every nook and corner. So do you look or do you see?

You might think me deranged. Ain't LOOK and SEE the same thing? Then why the phrase "You see but you don't look"? 

When you watch a movie do you just watch it or do you imbibe something from it? Do you feel something when you watch or do you just watch? Whenever I watch a movie I apply those elements in my own life and learn from the experience. It's enriching. I find it funny how people condemn certain things that they see in movies or read about in books but then go ahead and do exactly that in real life. That is something that is beyond my understanding. Are there different realms of judgment in life?

Like when I see people losing someone in a movie, I vow to myself I'll never let that happen to me. Or when I see something good happening I aspire to the same in my daily life. But I guess it's just me and a few other madcaps like me who do this!

My mother was watching 'Taare Zameen Par' sometime back and was crying buckets by the time the movie finished! I thought, Chalo mere kiddo ki toh jaan bachi! No more running after 99.9%! But surprise, surprise! The next minute ma asked her to stop wasting time and go study. Poor kid! 

We hear, watch, read about villains, the ill effects of misusing the gift of the gab, the saga of lost childhood, about how silly fights ruin relationships, global warming, the need to take a stand, the evils of passiveness, blah blah blah and nod profoundly with deep understanding and empathy. But the minute we return to our daily lives we do the same things without any kick from our conscience! Surprising isn't it?

From today, let's all try to LOOK and not just SEE, LISTEN and not just HEAR, READ but with understanding. Let's open our hearts to the lessons life offers for free to us!

P.S.: The Minstrel is stocking up DVD's of 3 Idiots, Romeo and Juliet, Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak, Tristan and Isolde, The Notebook, Saathiya, Atonement to show to Mom! Hope it works!!!!!! 

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Youngistaan Ka WOW!

If I were the game master I would challenge Ranbir to get to his Pepsi which is kept in a secret chamber which can only be accessed by crossing a room full of flying pigeons and the key to the chamber is tacked to the wing of one of the pigeons! (I've heard he's scared of pigeons)

Friday, April 2, 2010

Lives and Leaves..

I come here often,
Sit and wonder
What could have been
The leaves have turned yellow
They rue the green
Lived for sure, it's true
But how?
The thin line between happiness and bliss mocks.
Through thorns and deserts,
storm and thunder,
Is it the path
Or the one who treads it?
The blame sags like the misery of Atlas,
But who would hold it?
Yellow, what once was green
An idle thought
Or a profound question
What could have been.
Lives and leaves,
So close,
So close to man,
Who once born
lives and leaves.
But how?