Thursday, September 30, 2010

Lungi Lore..

Still from' Dance Pe Chance'

This is a forward I got in my email and I found it so funny that I had to share it!!! I don't know who wrote it so I cannot acknowledge the genius! But whoever it is, he is AWESOME!!!!!

 Lungi-yites- in praise of the humble lungi

The Legendary Lungi
 Just as the national bird of Kerala is Mosquito, her national dress is  'Lungi'. Pronounced as 'Lu' as in loo and 'ngi ' as in 'mongey', a  lungi can be identified by its floral or window-curtain pattern.  'Mundu' is the white variation of lungi and is worn on special  occasions like hartal or bandh days, weddings and Onam.
 Lungi is simple and 'down to earth' like the mallu wearing it. Lungi  is the beginning and the end of evolution in its category. Wearing  something on the top half of your body is optional when you are  wearing a lungi. Lungi is a strategic dress. It's like a  one-size-fits-all bottoms for Keralites.
 The technique of wearing a lungi/mundu is passed on from generation to  generation through word of mouth like the British Constitution. If you  think it is an easy task wearing it, just try it once! It requires  techniques like breath control and yoga that is a notch higher than  sudarshan kriya of AOL. A lungi/mundu when perfectly worn won't come  off even in a quake of 8 on the richter scale. A lungi is not attached  to the waist using duct tape, staple, rope or velcro. It's a bit of  mallu magic whose formula is a closely guarded secret like the Coca  Cola chemicals.
 A lungi can be worn 'Full Mast' or 'Half Mast' like a national flag. A  'Full Mast' lungi is when you are showing respect to an elderly or the  dead. Wearing it at full mast has lots of disadvantages. A major  disadvantage is when a dog runs after you. When you are wearing a  lungi/mundu at full mast, the advantage is mainly for the female  onlookers who are spared the ordeal of swooning at the sight of hairy
 Wearing a lungi 'Half Mast' is when you wear it exposing yourself like  those C grade movie starlets. A mallu can play cricket, football or  simbly run when the lungi is worn at half mast. A mallu can even climb  a coconut tree wearing lungi in half mast. "It's not good manners,  especially for ladies from decent families, to look up at a mallu  climbing a coconut tree"- Confucius (or is it Abdul Kalam?)
 Most mallus do the traditional dance kudiyattam. Kudi means drinking  alcohol and yattam, spelled as aattam, means random movement of the  male body. Note that 'y' is silent. When you are drinking, you drink,  there is no 'y'. Any alcohol related "festival" can be enjoyed to the  maximum when you are topless with lungi and a towel tied around the  head. "Half mast lungi makes it easy to dance and shake legs" says  Candelaria Amaranto, a Salsa teacher from Spain after watching  'kudiyaattam' .
 The 'Lungi Wearing Mallu Union' [LUWMU, pronounced LOVE MU], an NGO  which works towards the 'upliftment' of the lungi, strongly disapprove  of the GenNext tendency of wearing Bermudas under the lungi. Bermudas  under the lungi is a conspiracy by the CIA. It's a disgrace to see a  person wearing burmuda with corporate logos under his lungi. What they  don't know is how much these corporates are limiting their freedom of  movement and expression.
  A mallu wears lungi round the year, all weather, all season. A mallu  celebrates winter by wearing a colourful lungi with a floral pattern.   Lungi provides good ventilation and brings down the heat between legs.  A mallu is scared of global warming more than anyone else in the  world.
  A lungi/mundu can be worn any time of the day/night. It doubles as  blanket at night. It also doubles up as a swing, swimwear, sleeping  bag, parachute, facemask while entering/exiting toddy shops, shopping  basket and water filter while fishing in ponds and rivers. It also has  recreational uses like in 'Lungi/mundu pulling', a pastime in  households having more than one male member. Lungi pulling   competitions are held outside toddyshops all over Kerala during Onam  and Vishu. When these lungis are decommissioned from service, they  become table cloths. Thus the humble lungi is a cradle to grave  appendage.

P.S.- It is rocket science how to tie a lungi. A cousin with no prior experience of lungi tying tried it once and even with a belt securing the lungi, it was an aiyooo moment in front of hundreds! Be warned! ;)

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

An Appeal..

Okay here's another shift in gear... With all due respect to all religions, sects and cults, I humbly request all citizens of Delhi, visitors and whoever gets within a 100 m radius of the Yamuna to kindly keep all their religious sentiments aside and avoid throwing stuff into the Yamuna. It's with great difficulty that it has stopped smelling like a 'ganda naala'! Let's not go back there..

Now back to Minstrel style. Dude! No offence but where is the sense in throwing stuff into the river. I respect all religious sentiments but this part makes no sense! Nothing is an excuse for polluting resources! Even if it is flower offerings, hullo, you throw it in with the newspaper, plastic cover and what not? It's crazy..

The Nawab wanted to click the Yamuna in its glory so we went from the Ashram- Noida highway thing and as we stopped at the middle of the bridge and as the Nawab took aim this couple in their 50's driving a white Maruti 800 threw flowers wrapped in newspapers and something else into the water. It was astonishing how belief can kill common sense! I glared at the Uncleji and gave him the Lily style- YOU'RE DEAD TO ME look! Auntyji got her share of it too. The guard appointed at the bridge then came to us and told us that stopping at the bridge was not allowed and clicking pics especially wasn't. The couple had left by then, but there was this other smart mahashay (Mister in translation) who dumped some other stuff into the river a few metres away from us at the exact time when the guard was talking to us. I gave him a piece of my mind. Firstly, the signboard that read "Stopping not allowed" was nowhere in sight. (It was actually placed at the end of the bridge..Smart thinking that! :P) And I told him that. He stood there doing nothing when people came and dumped stuff but he had a problem with us stopping to click pics. The sign that was closer and more in number was the board that requested people not to dump things into the river but that went unheeded.

Even if the guy was doing his job, I wouldn't have minded had he also told those people off who had been dumping in things. That would have made some sense. Now you have a problem with people clicking pictures of the Yamuna but garbage dumpers are more than welcome! That's way ahead of foolishness! That's pure BS! If that's how it goes, a clean pure Yamuna shall remain a distant dream!

Back to the humble appeal- Please do not let thy belief cloud thine common sense and lead you to commit bullshit acts. Kindly reserve thine flowers for the deities not the river and thy garbage for thy dustbin. Thy refraining from throwing things into the river would be more of a worship for the river and help in keeping her pure and sacred. My apologies for those who felt I insulted their common sense because well, one cannot insult what does not exist. To those who share my opinion, if you see someone spreading garbage in our lovely city, stop them. Every act of restraint will go a long way in bringing the beauty back to this holy river.

P.S.- You have all the right to debate with me, disagree with me, or let me know I'm off my knockers in the comments section but I reserve the right to say what I please! My blog! :P Enough said! 

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Washed Away...

The Yamuna is overflowing. And with have been washed away the foundations of many lives. The water has most of the surroundings all submerged... it's a really sad situation..There were families there whose lives have been washed away by those waters, all their life savings perhaps destroyed. They live in tents now along the Delhi-Noida Highway. At a time when the Delhi government is pouring crores towards the CWG 2010, investing lakhs in volunteer uniforms and putting 5 crores into the Games Anthem, I wish some few lakhs were diverted towards those whose lives have been displaced due to the Yamuna overflowing. In this stormy unpredictable weather, atleast some concrete rehabilitation, albeit temporary could be provided. How far can the canvas tents protect them? What about basic facilities like electricity, toilets and all? 

The children play on the roadside; the highway is a dangerous playground . Who will account for any lives lost? I don't know to what extent the Government has aided in this case but I don't think it is enough. It forms a sad image when juxtaposed with the Games Village which is a stone's throw away. So much frenzy and excitement in preparing for some visitors while our own citizens languish in need of basic amenities... A sorry state of affairs indeed.

Once in a BLUE Moon...

I had never thought that I'd live to see this day.. Cows would fly before this happened! But it did!!! And last heard, cows still have their feet planted firmly on the ground! (Thank God for small mercies!) The Yamuna has WATER! 

(This is not even the river itself! It's just a connecting stream thing!!!! Couldn't click the river itself! Reason given in the post so read on!)

I had heard about it in the news but thought it's all hogwash, they must be talking about some part of Yamuna nowhere within the peripheries of the city of Delhi. All my life I have seen the dirty mucky canal type thing under this huge bridge with a lot of weeds and grass growing and garbage strewn all around...and I saw this with my fingers firmly clutching my nose, jabbing the nostrils shut so I don't inhale even a sq. mm of that stench! But dude! I stood above the Yamuna bridge today and had my hands on the railings (yes both!) clasping tightly because the current and flow of the water made my head reel! And I swear had no railing been there I would have definitely plopped in!!!! And never popped up again! :P And it was not the stench that made my head reel...really!
Miracles do happen...once in a BLUE moon...

P.S- But that water even now shall not get anywhere near me!!! Not now, not ever! It's more toxic than my college canteen's dahi bhalla even now! Or maybe not.....Ummmmmmm.. Uhhhhhh.....Tough one that! :P:P

Friday, September 17, 2010

Come Out And Play?

(Hehe! Yea! Accidents like this do happen sometimes! It made me fall off my chair in disbelief!)


Disclaimer: I have nothing against the Commonwealth games! Please do not kill me supporters, I too look forward to attending the tennis matches and hope to hell that CWG 2010 does not end up as the piece of crap that it is shaping up to be!

Let me tell you a story...

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away there was this Minstrel who was so excited about the Commonwealth Games that was happening in HER CITY! It was the most incredible thing to happen to the city of Delhi after KFC came to Connaught Place (OK, OK perhaps not the same thing! But it still was AWESOME to have that happen! DUDE!). Watching Somdev Devvarman on the field in the flesh tearing apart the opposition would be one of the perks among many! She couldn't wait for October 2010 to come! And then poof! THE END!

Yes, call me a cynic, hit me with Shera stuff toys (actually please do, I can take them home! He is kinda cute!), feed me with more CWG gossip and kill me but whatever! My face looks like a pumpkin right now and I am pissed so there! Go shove it all up from where you shove crap down! (Go figure!)

The CWG 2010 has done so much for our economy and the people that I can't help but stand up in applause for all those who put so much into this thing! The list is so long that I can't point it all out but here are a few of my top ones, straight from the fictional-OC-idiot-spokesperson-I-just-constructed-in-my-mind's mouth:

1) Such incredible use of all that money which would have been wasted on feeding the destitutes and building homes for the  homeless! In fact, the renovation has been so smartly done that you shall not have to worry about excess money for a long time because if smartly done, all the money in the treasury that you earn and give to the Government can be put to good use 2-months later as well, to fix what has been fixed now, because yaiyee! It's going to all fall apart! So cheers!

2) Oh those nasty college students were giving the wardens such a hard time and frankly who cares about them. in fact it's time we give the PG Owners the time to make some cash! Where else would they spend the limited amount of pocket money that they get? Atleast they won't spend it on booze or drugs! Cheers!

3) Those crappy buildings in the city needing a facelift? But we have better ideas! Why spend all that money on fixing a building that can fall to pieces any minute when we can spend that money on the CWG Anthem? Banners are cheaper and more effective! Killing two birds with one stone- The building is hidden and publicity also taken care of! Cheers!

4) The doctors and nurses in our city hospitals have been complaining of being in hard times and not getting any work ever since Swine flu has gone out of vogue! Voila! Not to worry! CWG to the rescue! We give you not one but many better options! Dengue, Conjunctivitis, typhoid, you want it, we got it! Allergies for early birds with a month's stay in the hospital so you don't have to worry about working your ass off at the workplace anymore! See, CWG has the solutions for all your problems!

5) Delhiites (atleast a lot of them!) have always rued the lack of a good beach in Delhi or even a river with enough water! We have the solution, it's easy-peasy! Not to worry! We clog your drains with construction rubble so voila! You have your very own streams and rivers flowing in front of your houses! And you don't even have to pay for it! 

6) Gone were the days when you could complain about getting late because you were stuck in a jam! With new roads, flyovers, there was no excuse for simply waking up late! All your worries are now over! With a lane dedicated to CWG, you can forget all your worries about not having an excuse for not being on time! And finally you can be completely in fashion adapting to the "Indian Standard Time" all thanks to CWG! As an added bonus the city's blueline buses will be taken off the roads where CWG has any mention and half the DTC buses will be on CWG duty! So no tension whatsoever! You're never getting anywhere on time...or maybe never getting anywhere as well! Cheers!

7) The roads in North Campus were so wide and used so less. So we came up with a solution! We cut the road in half and created a cycle/ cycle rickshaw lane! So what if there are big trees in the middle of the lane and cycle rickshaws can't pass through or that cycles are used by less than 0.01% of the area's population! It still is cool and the countries in the West have it and now so do we! And that's hot! Cheers!

So there you have it! CWG has definitely been a boon to our economy and to all of us! So Come Out and Play Everyone! If you are not in the hospital, or stuck in traffic, or stuck in knee-deep water or hunting for a new place to live, or killed by a collapsed building! See you there!!! 

P.S.- The CWG has given me awesome allergies and half my face looks like a swollen watermelon and half-bee stung lips are NOT HOT! So I have every right to say whatever crap I want to! So there!  

Are We Ready?

Thursday, September 9, 2010


Dearest Blog,

How are you doing? Hope this letter finds you in good health. I know I haven't been too kind to you recently and you have been feeling neglected but I am so sorry, I have been forced into this by the monster in my life right now- Masters syllabus (MS). MS has me trapped, has me on a leash all the time, morning to night, heck he even invades my dreams (or nightmares!). It is a dungeon that I am stranded in dear blog. It does not mean I do not care for you, I swear I do. It's only a matter of some more time dearest...and I shall be all yours. Until then, wait for me. I'll try my best too, I'll sneak out and run to you when MS isn't watching (although he'll drag me right back!). It's a matter of some more time..Wait for me..I miss you..

Loads of love,

P.S- You just wait and watch MS. I shall have the last laugh. You'll see... :P:P