Friday, September 17, 2010

Come Out And Play?


 
(Hehe! Yea! Accidents like this do happen sometimes! It made me fall off my chair in disbelief!)

 

Disclaimer: I have nothing against the Commonwealth games! Please do not kill me supporters, I too look forward to attending the tennis matches and hope to hell that CWG 2010 does not end up as the piece of crap that it is shaping up to be!

Let me tell you a story...

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away there was this Minstrel who was so excited about the Commonwealth Games that was happening in HER CITY! It was the most incredible thing to happen to the city of Delhi after KFC came to Connaught Place (OK, OK perhaps not the same thing! But it still was AWESOME to have that happen! DUDE!). Watching Somdev Devvarman on the field in the flesh tearing apart the opposition would be one of the perks among many! She couldn't wait for October 2010 to come! And then poof! THE END!

Yes, call me a cynic, hit me with Shera stuff toys (actually please do, I can take them home! He is kinda cute!), feed me with more CWG gossip and kill me but whatever! My face looks like a pumpkin right now and I am pissed so there! Go shove it all up from where you shove crap down! (Go figure!)

The CWG 2010 has done so much for our economy and the people that I can't help but stand up in applause for all those who put so much into this thing! The list is so long that I can't point it all out but here are a few of my top ones, straight from the fictional-OC-idiot-spokesperson-I-just-constructed-in-my-mind's mouth:

1) Such incredible use of all that money which would have been wasted on feeding the destitutes and building homes for the  homeless! In fact, the renovation has been so smartly done that you shall not have to worry about excess money for a long time because if smartly done, all the money in the treasury that you earn and give to the Government can be put to good use 2-months later as well, to fix what has been fixed now, because yaiyee! It's going to all fall apart! So cheers!

2) Oh those nasty college students were giving the wardens such a hard time and frankly who cares about them. in fact it's time we give the PG Owners the time to make some cash! Where else would they spend the limited amount of pocket money that they get? Atleast they won't spend it on booze or drugs! Cheers!

3) Those crappy buildings in the city needing a facelift? But we have better ideas! Why spend all that money on fixing a building that can fall to pieces any minute when we can spend that money on the CWG Anthem? Banners are cheaper and more effective! Killing two birds with one stone- The building is hidden and publicity also taken care of! Cheers!

4) The doctors and nurses in our city hospitals have been complaining of being in hard times and not getting any work ever since Swine flu has gone out of vogue! Voila! Not to worry! CWG to the rescue! We give you not one but many better options! Dengue, Conjunctivitis, typhoid, you want it, we got it! Allergies for early birds with a month's stay in the hospital so you don't have to worry about working your ass off at the workplace anymore! See, CWG has the solutions for all your problems!

5) Delhiites (atleast a lot of them!) have always rued the lack of a good beach in Delhi or even a river with enough water! We have the solution, it's easy-peasy! Not to worry! We clog your drains with construction rubble so voila! You have your very own streams and rivers flowing in front of your houses! And you don't even have to pay for it! 

6) Gone were the days when you could complain about getting late because you were stuck in a jam! With new roads, flyovers, there was no excuse for simply waking up late! All your worries are now over! With a lane dedicated to CWG, you can forget all your worries about not having an excuse for not being on time! And finally you can be completely in fashion adapting to the "Indian Standard Time" all thanks to CWG! As an added bonus the city's blueline buses will be taken off the roads where CWG has any mention and half the DTC buses will be on CWG duty! So no tension whatsoever! You're never getting anywhere on time...or maybe never getting anywhere as well! Cheers!

7) The roads in North Campus were so wide and used so less. So we came up with a solution! We cut the road in half and created a cycle/ cycle rickshaw lane! So what if there are big trees in the middle of the lane and cycle rickshaws can't pass through or that cycles are used by less than 0.01% of the area's population! It still is cool and the countries in the West have it and now so do we! And that's hot! Cheers!

So there you have it! CWG has definitely been a boon to our economy and to all of us! So Come Out and Play Everyone! If you are not in the hospital, or stuck in traffic, or stuck in knee-deep water or hunting for a new place to live, or killed by a collapsed building! See you there!!! 



P.S.- The CWG has given me awesome allergies and half my face looks like a swollen watermelon and half-bee stung lips are NOT HOT! So I have every right to say whatever crap I want to! So there!  

P.P.S.-
Are We Ready?
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME????????????????


8 comments:

Addy said...

...And I was thinking of pestering you for not updating you blog for so long! Thank gawd I didn't else, my head would have had a striking resemblance to that of a crushed and broken watermelon over run by a vehicle, RED everywhere! Some temper you have there!
Boy! The angry Minstrel is scary! But, the temper bring out the best satire in you!
Chillax, thing will eventually get better, if not for the CWG, for you atleast!
(How I hope I haven't done the sin of making an err (typo or grammatical) here, or I'm having it coming at me and coming HARD!)

Minstrel Incognito said...

Haha! That was just an overdose of CWG crap that made my satiric side emerge! Plus I have caught some sort of allergy and I have half a swollen face-hence the pumpkin n watermelon thing! ;)

Boohoo!Awaiting the return of my former face so I can go watch Somdev play in peace without looking like a fusion dance gone haywire! :P:P

P.S.-Temper's a fake! I have the patience of a saint! :P
p.P.S- 5 typos in one comment! :P:P Not bad Mr. brainwave! Hehe! :p

zephyr said...

Hey that was a brilliant post. Loved every word of it. Do come out of hibernation, you minstrel and regale us! I am not too much of a poetry person but would love reading more of your blistering prose!

Thanks for the comment on my post!

Minstrel Incognito said...

Thanks zephyr! :):) Minstrel is sadly refusing to come out of hibernation but the prose version of the Minstrel remains alive and kicking so you're in luck! Lol! :)

Aashish Sood said...

Hey... cool post... could not have written this piece better myself; and I have written several articles on CWG... but enjoyable reading and that subtle sarcasm is just too good...

In case you are interested, look at my two posts on these topics (amongst others that I have) http://aashishsood.blogspot.com/2010/08/new-games-for-commonwealth-games.html; http://aashishsood.blogspot.com/2010/03/commonwealth-games-2010-will-they.html

Minstrel Incognito said...

Thanks a ton Aashish... :):)Will surel check your posts! :)

Mag[m] said...

hey chill... u r totally fired on CWG
but unfortunately its truth abt CWG

Minstrel Incognito said...

Hehe! It's faux-anger Mag[m]! Its a technique that minstrels deploy in a desperation to write something!!! ;) But well, all said and done, I wrote what i felt..Thanks for the comment!! :)