Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Secret Course That Doctors Do

I had my Linguistics exam the other day and Don's mom (a doc) had generously taken out time and made notes explaining the concepts of Phonetics to us. Reading her notes a flashbulb lit in my weary, tired, grumpy brain. And no, it was nothing connected to Phonetics! :P
Image Copyright © 1998 Mark A. Hicks. Originally published by Mark A. Hicks. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

What is the one thing that connects doctors across the world, the one thing they share across all boundaries-nationality, race, gender, whatever? No, not the white coat silly! It is- wait for it- (hehe!)- ta da- {{drum-roll}}- IT'S THE BAD HANDWRITING!!!! Yea folks, that's the thing! Whether you go to a doctor in Munirka or a doctor in Nebraska, you can be sure that you'll never understand what they wrote on that prescription slip! 

So I decided to find out why exactly this happens, is it a mere coincidence that I haven't met a single Doctor with a legible handwriting. After a day of super-sleuthing and haunting doctors across the city, this is what my spies reported- "It is a conspiracy! "

Wait. That was not dramatic enough. After all, it's a big secret.

Ok, let's try India TV style:
"Ye ek saazish hai! Kya aap jaante hain apne chikitsak ka raaz? Aap kyun unki likhavat ko padh nai paate? Aapke haath mein chikitsa parcha hai ya ek khufiya saazish ka raaz! Dekhiye ye parcha kya aap kuch padh pa rahe hain? Kya raaz chupaate hain chikitsak humse?.."

Alright I could go on and on if I had been the India TV crew member who would love to drive you mad but my Hindi vocabulary isn't loaded well enough! :( So the big secret is- Yes, they do a secret one year course in Spider Crawlies, I mean, bad handwriting. This is info straight from the doc's mouth, obtained after threatening him to decipher what he had written and leak it to the press! So here's the deal- the course is called 'Legibility-A Medical Crime' and has books like- "Bad Handwriting for Dummies and Docs" by secretly renowned author U. Kant Reedmi and "The Medico's Guide To Scrawling" by I. Wright Spyder. These books are not available without a medico prescription! 

All medical students have to pass this one year course to get the "Dr" tag next to their names. The exam is closely monitored and if even the invigilator is able to read what you write you are thrown out right then and there and given an ER (Essential Repeat, dummy!) All doctors have come through this tough course with a lot of hardwork and the Minstrel salutes them! Our source Dr. Sharma (name changed just for fun!) says, "I could do all the other courses even with my eyes shut. The toughest ones too were a cakewalk! But Course AUDUD1 was a mighty firecracker! I don't know how I made it through!"

And yes, a chemist has to take the course too. How else would he read the prescription? 

After years of the English teacher drilling them in school to get the beautiful cursive handwriting, it must definitely have been hard to unlearn all of that. All those truant medicos who were scolded by their teachers for bad handwriting ("I would have corrected your paper IF I could read what you wrote!") must have had the last laugh now.

Who said it's easy to become a doctor? Planning to become one, start scrawling today.
ESSENTIAL TIPS (stolen from Mr. U. Kant Reedmi's book)
1. No human but your chemist should read what you write.
2. It gives you that aura of mystery and enigma.
3. Learn from 2 and 3 year old kids. Steal their books for guidance.
4. When done correctly the page should look like a handicapped spider wobbled across the page.
5. Hold your pen with 2 fingers and write for practice.
6. Pretend as if you have a fracture in your hand and then try.
Honestly, I couldn't read the rest or I would have reprinted it all here! Sorry guys!

P.S.- Thank goodness I never wanted to become a doctor! How would I ever have deformed my beautiful handwriting!? :P


Truck Driver said...

I hope this is true.....

My dad's a doc but still i never knew about this :D

Minstrel Incognito said...

Hehe!!! Ask him! :P He won't tell you! ;)

The Solitary Kid said...

Lol...funny post!Loved the essential tips!

Honestly speaking my handwriting kinda looks good from afar;up close it's a total mess.But hell ,it feels good to know that only you can decipher your scribbles! He he :D

Minstrel Incognito said...

Omg Solitary Kid!!! I hope you are/will be a medico!!! The world needs you! Lol!
thanks! :) Glad you liked it! :)

- The Virgin Author! said...

In a weird way, I have to admit that I've a very poor handwriting, and I am going to be an Engineer! :P

Minstrel Incognito said...

@ The Virgin Author: :P So do engineers have to do the secret course as well?? ;)