Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Chronicle of the Killer Cold

Ok..this was long in the making and about time too! Dedicated to all the freaks who can't understand that it is not "JUST" a cold! So presenting to you ladies and gentlemen- (((DRUM-ROLL!!! CYMBALS!!!!))) "THE CHRONICLE OF THE KILLER COLD"!!!

Yes folks, this is not "just" a cold! Do not belittle the condition of a victim of cold (quite terrible actually!) ever again! The feeling of having a nose and a throat ready for eruption 24x7 is really not a nice feeling! It's in fact quite irritating. Please note however, I am currently referring to a much more dangerous version of the cold- the one that is accompanied by nonstop throat music and a background score provided by the nose going something like- "sniff sniff (2) Achheee( X 4)". Those who have been victims of this malady would understand what I'm talking about! 

The amount of tissues that go into salvaging one's dignity and social standing is preposterous! I mean, what aukaad (self-esteem or whatever) would remain if even a drop of the deadly mucus would seep through the tissue layer and appear anywhere on the facial horizon (hehe! I made that up to sound pseudo-intellectual by the way!). Imagine the panic, the embarrassment, the oh-shit-excuse-me expression! The thin line between salvaging and losing one's dignity is horrifying! That is, ladies and gentleman, how serious a cold is! Not 'just' a cold.

Point taken? Let me proceed to the next level of argument- the heroic stature of the suffering victim of this horrible disease! What heroic stature you may wonder, and I shall not blame you, for in the history of odes and ballads and biographies, there are those unsung cold victims who have gone without even letting the world know about their bravery. That is humility my dear friends, real character. But I am not that humble, I confess, and I shall not let my deeds go waste! The world looks in awe and wonder at Socrates, the man who consumed hemlock for what he proclaimed and what he did. Of course, he was a great man and I shall take none of the praise away from him. But hullo! What about the cough and cold syrups that we are made to consume??? I mean, have you tasted that stuff? Any less than hemlock? So where are the praises, the odes? We go through hell, and that too for nothing that we have done! Hey, can I not lay my claim to my very own Wikipedia space too? (jeez!Even Harman Baweja has one! no kidding!! Sheesh!) Cough syrups companies should be sued for the crap that we go through! Seriously!

And my last argument folks would be for the sheer suffering that adds to the heroic agony of the whole chronicle! ( hey! I could compose an entire epic on this! What say Homer ol' dude?J? )  To have your taste-buds go for a hike should be enough reason for your boss to grant you a month's vacation to recuperate! Not knowing what crap you're eating is pure hell! I am not able to differentiate between chocolate and chicken with the tongue calling a hartaal (strike!). It would be bliss to be able to taste SOMETHING again soon! Bring it on! Whatever I taste first becomes my favourite food for a month!!! ( So here's an open challenge to the edible matter of the world! Let's see what you can do! :P) 

Hence, proved that it ain't "JUST" a cold. If you still are not convinced, come to mommy! I'll give you one! That should teach you not to mess with us victims of cold again! Ha! And now ladies and gentleman, I grant you permission to applaud!!!  Ta-da!

 sniff sniff (2) Achheee( X 4) ;)


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