Thursday, February 4, 2010

On Writing

Today I woke up to a vision...a vision of a younger me, about 7 or 8 years old, sitting at her desk, furiously scribbling away on sheets of paper that she silently filed away. Later she took them out, read them with a stoic expression on her face and then tore them up and burnt the pieces. She was unhappy with the words, they just did not seem right the way she wanted them to be. This is not what she wanted to be remembered for. She sat on her steps that evening, morose and disappointed, her head on her scraped band-aided knees. 
She didn't know why she felt so hollow and sad. Were they not just pieces of paper? But she knew those shreds contained more than that. Each piece contained a fragment of her dream- her dream to weave magic with words. The dream that she had just shredded in anger and frustration- yes, someday it would be real.

Those eyes burnt a hole in my heart, the hope in her eyes, the sadness in her tears. The vision shook me up, I couldn't let that dream die. I would give it wings. So i got up out of bed, opened a new blank document, ran my fingers across the keyboard in a dreamy state and vowed again-my dream is to create and I shall not let it die. I bit my lower lip in concentration and took a deep breath. So this is it, now is the moment. It was time to fly.

And so with a sigh and a prayer, I let it flow and wrote...nothing. My mind was a blank. I just sat staring at the keyboard cursing and muttering, as if the words would just come flying out of nowhere into my mind and allow me to pin them onto the document that was still staring blankly at me. It was taunting me, challenging me, writing is a bitch really. How the hell could I give up like that? I couldn't let her down, that little girl was me, I couldn't let her dream sink so easily! So I typed, whatever I was feeling at that moment, whatever came to my mind- she led me on through her universe, her eyes were dancing now and I could feel slivers of ecstasy penetrating my being. Her eyes were my eyes. Her joy was now mine. I read, cursed. typed, cut, smiled, muttered, laughed and nodded to myself in approval.

And here it is- this is what I wrote. I just put down what I felt and there I had my tale. Who said one needs wings to fly? Take a flight instead. :) This shall not be torn to shreds    ( well that's also coz I literally can't since it's on the computer! :) And I shall blind myself to the DELETE and BACKSPACE keys!) However it may be, good or bad, it is mine. And here it is, for everyone to see. I can see her smiling, my little dream. She has flown at last!


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